53.04 CODPIECE

[joshd19]

Extreme ironing is a very different sport than baseball, and GBC baseball shares very little resemblance with any other baseball in the known universe, simulated or otherwise. As the Monarchs continue to struggle for relevance (let alone contention), this GM is burning the candle at both ends to get up to speed. I call this program Correcting Operational Deficiencies Programmatically In Equilibrium with Constitutional Edicts (CODPIECE).

I spend my days, however unwisely, in a series of lengthy coaching meetings to breathe down the neck of agreeable [pushover] manager Jack Gulliver. These consultations have resulted in a number of lineup and bullpen tweaks correlating to certain other roster adjustments, and I think the message is clear in the clubhouse: no one is safe. The guys seem to glance the other way when I pass them in the parking lot, but I've always ruled best with a firm grip on fear.

In addition to daytime masochism sessions with the coaching staff, I have spent many a long night studying the leather-bound arcane compendia that comprise the league's constitution. A salary cap misunderstanding nearly led me to trade away star CF Joshua Koka for pennies on the dollar—to the surging Sharks, no less—before I realized that I had other tools at my disposal to remedy the situation. A few releases later, and we're back in the ballpark. I praise the generosity of my Israeli tech baron owner, which has allowed me some flexibility to maneuver within the constraints of the draconian salary cap.

Side note: The GBC will never achieve the global media platform its name conveys unless it eliminates the salary cap and allows Saudis, richer yet from the spoils of the failed Climate Wars, to buy out the league. But I digress.

The CODPIECE program has also involved a renewed focus on my farm system, which had suffered from certain oversights including a severe lack of catchers in the younger leagues. After a rash of signings, we now have more catchers than the rye. Huzzah! Forward! CODPIECE!

[Dington]

Can’t wait for Extreme Ironing Manager ‘58. Gonna spend a lot of money on the Perfect Fold mode!