A Horse with No Name
2 Months Ago... Istanbul Turkey
Alan Ehlers: Ok staff. I've called this meeting because our team really sucks. We are last in the UMEBA. Now that is awesome on the surface as we are on pace for the first pick in the draft. But let's get real people. One player is not going to make this team great again. We need depth. We need an influx of young talent. Normally in a situation like this I would look for some young free agents to sign. But our league is so broke that nobody wants to sign with us. In fact we can't even afford a phone to talk to player agents. So we need to come up with a pl*%&#.
Scout: A what?
Ehlers: You know. Start with a P, rhymes with ran. I can't say it because Nashville has the damn word copyrighted. But anyway. We need to put in place a system. Alright so we have a scout. Right? Scout.... you need to go out and sign some players.
Scout: Alright. So what's my budget?
Ehlers: Budget? You need your ears checked kid? We have no money. We are broke.
Scout: I know the UMEBA is broke, but you are from the almighty BBA. Teams have loads of money in reserve funds over there. Can't you just dip into that.
Ehlers: No sir, I am the GM of Brooklyn. We are in bigger debt then the entire UMEBA combined. Just go out there and find me the best players willing to play in Istanbul for free.
Scout: Umm, ok? So what are my flight details and itinerary?
Ehlers: Flight details? There will be no plane. I have acquire this horse for you to ride. He has no name but I think he's cute.
Scout: That's not a horse, that's a camel
Ehlers: Shhh, it's not a camel, it's a horse. I promised the UMEBA I would not make any racist jokes degrading to middle eastern people during my tenure here. And if you were to ride a "camel" through the Arab dessert I would be way too tempted to use the team news title "Istanbul Scout Camel Jockeys his Way Around Middle East" Damn it, you made me do it anyway. The league is going to put my ass in the jackpot now.
Scout: I mean it's just a joke right? I don't think there are any Middle Eastern folks in the league. As long as Randy doesn't read this team news at an internet cafe when he gets to Bahrain, you should be clear of any collateral damage.
Ehlers: It's not the Middle Easterners I'm worried about. It's those damn millennial... me too... hashtaggers. I mean we have a GM with an emotional support lemor in the league for christs sake. This isn't going to end well. So anyway. Just go. Ride your horse with no name. Get me some UMEBA quality players and prospects. I want you to report back on September 8th. And you better have signed couple of minor league contracts! Oh and bring me back a Slurpee too. For some reason, ever since we've been here in the Middle East I've had this strong craving for a Slurpee and a 6 hour old hot dog.
