In the Bagh - Vol. 3 - Spring Forward
Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:08 pm
Mr. Herren, looking dapper in his light gray three-piece suit with a purple tie, steps up to the microphone and clears his throat...
*AHEM* Than you all for coming today. For those of you I've not met yet, hello. For those of you I have, I'm sorry. (Pause for non-existant laughter) Well, then. As you can see from the updated rosters in your welcome packets, we, or rather, I made (Laughter from crowd as translators catch up) Uh, yes. (confused look) As I was saying, I made quite a few changes this off season. Our ticket sales are now totally online, with no physical copies available. We also decided to buy the three houses to the east of the stadium, knock them down and expand our parking in the expectation of the increase in ticket sales. We have also have started selling tenderloins in all our concession stands.
When I explained to my staff and front office that I was going to trade possibly our best player, center fielder Jin-Guo Long, they wanted to ride me out of town on a rail or perhaps even a camel. (Pauses again for non-existant laughter) In that trade, however, we were able to improve virtually every position on our team. (Translators catch up, no one laughs, two reporters leave) With the, uh, (where are they going?) the, uh, acquisition of these great talents, we should be a force to be reckoned with.
Most notably, we now have an ace in Ramon Suarez and our new center fielder, Sheldon Cooper, promises to be a big bang in our line up, and that's no theory! (Pauses 30 seconds for translators. Four more reporters leave)
Any questions? Yes, in the back.
"What are the tenderloins made from?"
Uh, don't, uh see how it's relevant but, uh, pork, I think?
(The rest of the reporters leave)
Mr. Herren looks toward the staff sitting in back of him with horrified looks.
I think that went well, do you?
*AHEM* Than you all for coming today. For those of you I've not met yet, hello. For those of you I have, I'm sorry. (Pause for non-existant laughter) Well, then. As you can see from the updated rosters in your welcome packets, we, or rather, I made (Laughter from crowd as translators catch up) Uh, yes. (confused look) As I was saying, I made quite a few changes this off season. Our ticket sales are now totally online, with no physical copies available. We also decided to buy the three houses to the east of the stadium, knock them down and expand our parking in the expectation of the increase in ticket sales. We have also have started selling tenderloins in all our concession stands.
When I explained to my staff and front office that I was going to trade possibly our best player, center fielder Jin-Guo Long, they wanted to ride me out of town on a rail or perhaps even a camel. (Pauses again for non-existant laughter) In that trade, however, we were able to improve virtually every position on our team. (Translators catch up, no one laughs, two reporters leave) With the, uh, (where are they going?) the, uh, acquisition of these great talents, we should be a force to be reckoned with.
Most notably, we now have an ace in Ramon Suarez and our new center fielder, Sheldon Cooper, promises to be a big bang in our line up, and that's no theory! (Pauses 30 seconds for translators. Four more reporters leave)
Any questions? Yes, in the back.
"What are the tenderloins made from?"
Uh, don't, uh see how it's relevant but, uh, pork, I think?
(The rest of the reporters leave)
Mr. Herren looks toward the staff sitting in back of him with horrified looks.
I think that went well, do you?